We’ve come to the end of a long road you and I. The number one most annoying annoy-er to have ever annoyed is almost always anti-climactic. Mostly due to the fact that I often compile these lists as I go along, not really ranking them in any specific order. I did make an attempt this year, which is good since otherwise humanitarians might have been ranked higher than rape-apologists. Then where would we be? Well, we’d be here.
I am fully aware that my annual list always has its peaks and valleys. I’ll post a morose downer of a blog the day before Christmas, toss in two jokes, and hope you all forgive me through the magic of “Christmas spirit”. Maybe you’ll give me a pass because you all liked my “The War on Christmas That Wasn’t” blog. That blog was a hit, and easily the most read, especially from random passersby. Who knew tags and keywords work? I actually think I could post a blog that was essentially an inaccurate recipe for rice pudding, toss in a few tags like “jennifer lopez” “jamie foxx” and “sham-wow” and I’d easily have my most-read blog ever.
Still, I do go into these knowing I am going to name people somewhere in the list. Like this year I knew I was putting Tosh.0 in here somewhere. I knew Christopher Moltisanti angrily selling 1800 tequila would make it. And those Krochet Kids…ouh…how they unfathomably irked me for no reason! Hipsters must die (metaphorically)!
So when you get to number one on a list, of any list, chances are people will be disappointed with who or what you pick. I will tell you right now, this is the case for this list. However, in my defense, this is a setup for a whole new set of blogs with a completely different spin. Allow me to explain:
Every time I do these lists, about halfway through, I get the nagging sense that I am reaching to find people or things that annoy me. That isn’t to say that I am not annoyed by people who think there is a war on Christmas. No no. You people annoying the hell out of me. But if I was being honest, I’m not all that bothered by James Franco willfully trying to be a misunderstood artist.
I’d even rank him less-annoying than some of my honorable mention annoyers such as Meryl Streep, who is one of those actors with a very specific, rigid set of rules as to what is art, what is drivel, what we should like, and what we shouldn’t. Waving her hands, closing her eyes, and saying, “I don’t watch those movies!” when the old guy on 60 Minutes asks her about the proliferation of comic book movies. How dare people enjoy those when there are important movies like The Devil Wears Prada and Mama Mia to be experienced. Not to mention her false modesty has fallen to the side and she is basically adopting a “Yeah, I’m awesome at my craft and I’m going to be very aloof and snooty about it. Chardonnay!” attitude.
Any number of reality “stars” could’ve made the list, or even the editors that insert that “thud” sound and smash cut to someone looking offended in slow motion after someone else says something bland and inoffensive. Every “Real Housewife” reacts to anything anyone says with a Botox-y dun-dun-DUN face.
Honestly, there are a lot of things that annoy me, and that kids, is the point. We spend our lives being annoyed by things, hating things, disliking things. Hell, people literally want Facebook to have a Dislike button. How insanely negative is that? And the people that want it usually are insanely freaking negative to begin with. Can’t we all let the sun shine in a little?
Thus, my number one annoying people of 2011 are The Unpleasables. The people that are annoyed by everything. And yes, I see the incongruity of placing people that are annoyed by everything on a list I’ve made consisting of people that annoy me. But I’m here to tell you all I’m ready to break the cycle of negativity (or at the very least tone it down).
In the coming new year there will be a new blog category. It will be about things I like. I haven’t settled on the name yet. Perhaps “I’m Not Made of Stone”, or something simple such as “Like Like” (which ironically are my least favorite Legend of Zelda bad guys - they eat your shield! I just bought it! Like…like…c’mon!).
I’m not saying I’m not going to make cracks anymore. I’m just saying, it seems as if the only time I use the word “like” is when I’m about to launch into a silly (but wholly original) metaphor. I like things too.
I did a Google search on “things i like” and when I got to “things i” Google started listing the most popular “ends” to that search. “Things i hate” was higher than “things i like”. That seemed wrong, expected, but wrong.
So here’s to a new year! Mr. Cecil’s Blogatorium in 2012, love it? You’re gonna like it!
Johnny Malloy has spent the past year talking about people that annoy him and his unhappy experiences working in a liquor store. Next year he plans to pepper in musings about things he likes. Unexpected things he likes. We’re talking “Not changing that Air Supply song on the radio when you’re alone in the car” things. Mr. Cecil – making blogs…out of nothing at all…makin’ blogs…out of nothing at all…MAKIN’ BLOG…
